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Talk:Jeff the Killer/@comment-24902405-20140504202631
I kind of feel like it may not be my place to speak since I am kind of knew to most creepypasta but I feel like some parts of this story could truly be better. I like the idea but some parts are just... meh. First of all, the characters really don't have a story behind them... I realize it's a short story but I can't get into the main character when he seems sort of bland when described in the story. The dialouge is also lacking from most characters. I can't really feel any emotion or anything from the main character.... he just.. decides to kill and when he does actually go crazy it's just like "alright... im crazy now". I feel like someone could take some real time developing these characters to make them really stand out and make an amazing and truly scary story. The only reason this lacks is because of how unbelievable it actually is.... I'm supposed to believe that the bullies talk like evil villians from batman movies at 12? I get that they are bad but lets remember that they are 12 and odds are if they have knives and guns they are thugs. Even if they are in a wealthy neighborhood. They seem like future criminals which are usually uneducated. This is just preference though. ALSO, I understand him killing the whole family, as that is what serial killers usually start with... BUT I feel like he should have some sort of really clingy love for his brother. I realize that most killers kill their WHOLE family but it would be interesting to see a take where Jeff keeps his brother locked away and promises to keep him safe, even if it is against his will. Those are just my inputs though, as I really like the source material. So to wrap it up I would really only want three things changed (ONCE AGAIN THESE ARE IN MY OPINION DON'T RAGE) 1. More character developement. I want to get to know all of the emotions and feelings of these characters even if they aren't the main. I feel like Jeff just... goes crazy... which is alright but you could truly go so much further. 2. Make the characters (more so the bullies) more believable. I can't help but to sort of laugh when the bullies have dialouge that seems like it came from an evil villian in a batman movie while they act the way there do. They seem more like thugs... which are usually uneducated criminals. OR maybe they could just be normal wealthy kids who bully and the actual threat to Jeff could come at a later point in his life... maybe in high school... when kids actually start to become their true selves as adults.... This is just my opinion though. 3. Some weird brotherly connection.... It's kind of hard to explain.... but Jeff seems like he'd have some strong connection to his brother. Maybe after the incident he would keep him locked away and tell him he's keeping him safe, even if his brother is afraid of him. I just feel like they'd have a much deeper bond. AT LEAST lets say that if he did kill his brother... he'd always carry a piece of his brother with him. I haven't really given the second part much though.... but I have never known a serial killer to maybe keep an eye from the brother. I know I might be getting a little stupid with this but he could use the eye to act as if his brother can still see his actions. He could bring his brother up in multiple instances like he's there because he has the eye with him. Like I said I know that's super lame and not the best that could come from their connection but this is all right off the top of my head. ONCE AGAIN, I still really like the story. I'd just like to see the holes in it covered up and maybe to see a longer backstory. Sorry for the spelling errors guys I didn't go back and check, but tell me what you think. Tell me where you think it could be better too, maybe parts I missed or parts you disagree with. I'd really like to know. :D